1. Inquiry: Read the article ‘Woman stuck under train at Eagle Junction Train Station, Brisbane’, published on 10 September 2014:
a. What are the problems with the article?
There are some problems with the article:
- The structure of the article is confusing
- Some of the details are repetitive
- Some technical writing errors such as present and past tenses
- Some words are not used appropriately in respect of reporting a news
- The reporting time does not match with the incident time
b. Does it meet the guidelines for reporting self-harm?
The article meets the guidelines for reporting about self-harm with the inclusion of the following main points:
- Minimise details about the method and location
- Place the story in context and ensure accuracy
- Choose appropriate language, for example, ‘died by suicide’ instead of ‘successful suicide’
- Apply recommendations to online content
c. Post your reflections on your blog.
The biggest problem in this article is the confusing structure. It looks like a series of events but not a formal news article. Some words could be replaced by other synonyms to better illustrate the article.
2. Practical: Rewrite the above article so that it is not repetitive and makes more sense.
Woman left in a critical condition after stuck under train at Eagle Junction
Connor O’Brien, The Courier-Mail
September 10, 2014 13:00pm
A woman, believed to be in her 30s, remains in a critical condition in hospital after she was stuck under the train on Brisbane’s north side.
The woman was stuck under the train at Eagle Junction railway station at around 12.10pm on Wednesday.
The woman was rescued from beneath the train by four fire crews at 12:55 pm.
A QLD Ambulance spokesperson said that the woman suffered injury to her lower leg, was then escorted to The Royal Brisbane Hospital in a serious condition.
The incident had caused delays of up to 40 minutes on the Airport and Doomben trains.
A witness reported that full of people from a train were sitting on the platform.
A QLD Police spokesman said they were treating the incident as self-harm.
Lifeline Australia 13 11 14
3. Technical: Complete Quiz 11 – Style
Hicks (2012, p. 99) stated a style that has four principal attributes: suitability, simplicity, precision and poise.
Suitability – The way a story is written must match the subject, the mood and pace
of the events described and, above all, the needs of the reader.
Simplicity – Be direct: get to the point.
Precision – To be precise you need to know exactly what words mean.
Poise – Poise is the essence of style: it gives writing balance, ease of manner
and lack of strain.
In this week, I did the quiz to achieve the marks 6.0 for the first time and achieve the marks 10.00 for the second time.
After doing question 7, I understand that use the sort Anglo-Saxon word instead unless the Latinate word is important for specific meaning.
Hicks, W 2012, English for Journalists, 4th edu, Routledge, New York, NY.